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Archive for December, 2009

Debating Progressives

December 13, 2009 1 comment

Ever tried to debate a Progressive? Here's how it often goes…

Question: With the CRU files leak, do you still believe the climate science is not settled?

Response: You (expletive deleted) son of a (expletive deleted). You (expletive deleted) wad. What, did you learn that from Glenn Beck? That (expletive deleted). Anybody who can't see the science is settled is a flat earther. Are you stupid? No, I don't have any facts to back up my argument. However, I do have a copy of the IPCC report that I use as a door stop and I watched Al Gore win the Oscar. You (expletive deleted).

Question: The economy is only getting worse under President Obama's stewardship. Shouldn't we let the free market work to end the economic crisis?

Response: This is Bush's fault. Sure we criticized him for "cutting" the budget and not caring about the poor, but we say that about all Republicans you (expletive deleted). Yeah, he created Medicare Part D which won't be solvent for long, but didn't the Republicans say deficits don't matter? It's their fault. Sure, we control the Senate, the House and the White House now, but that doesn't mean we take any responsibility for Bush's disaster, you (expletive deleted). Yes, we're spending money like it's going out of style, but Bush made us do it that (expletive deleted). If Bush had never been born, then none of this would have ever happened. There would be peace, love, granola and tiny, fuzzy polar bears dancing in the cold, cold, cold. You (expletive deleted).

Question: Didn't Democrats help blow the housing bubble by forcing banks to make loans to individuals who weren't creditworthy?

Response: You racist (expletive deleted). You (expletive deleted). Not making (expletive deleted) loans to people who can't pay them back is the very definition of racism. In fact, money is inherently racist. Look at the people who have money you (expletive deleted). Everyone should own a house, even if the government has to buy it for them. Bush wanted an ownership society. We want an ownership society too – only in our ownership society government will own everything and make sure that everyone gets their fair share of what government doesn't want (expletive deleted).

Question: Isn't Cap and Trade just a scheme to redistribute wealth to the favored interests that put the current administration in power?

Response: You (expletive deleted). You wing nut. You tea sipping nitwit. You dumb (expletive deleted). If we don't create a government run system of carbon trading that allows the government to reward its friends and punish its enemies, then baby seals are going to die. Plus, Goldman Sachs and J.P. Morgan Chase need the opportunity to create Carbon Default Swaps because if you thought Credit Default Swaps were sweet, just wait till you see carbon based derivatives. Sure, cap and trade didn't work in Europe, but c'mon – yes we can, yes we can!

Question: But, we're carbon-based life forms aren't we? We breathe the stuff out day and night. We don't even fully understand the complex web of factors that affects climate – shouldn't we go slow?

Response: We have been saying for generations that you (expletive deleted) morons are going to kill us. We can't wait any longer. Just because we can't predict the weather day to day, just because the temperature hasn't risen in over a decade, just because some say that climate scientists are hiding the temperature decline, doesn't mean the earth won't whip out a big old hockey stick and slap our species down. Al Gore said it was so. Matt Damon drives a Prius. Need I say more?

Question: With increasing deficits, and no end to spending increases in sight, are we in danger of destroying our economy and way of life?

Answer: Have you been listening to (expletive deleted) Beck again? Haven't you read Keynes? Are you an idiot? You Lipton swilling buffoon. If government doesn't spend money, then the economy won't grow. If the Federal Reserve doesn't print money and prop up insolvent banks, then the economy will collapse. Where does the money come from? Obama's stash. Just kidding, it comes from China. They loan it to us, so we keep buying from them. Then they loan us more, so we keep buying. Then they loan us more, so we keep buying. Then they loan us more, so we keep buying. When does it end? It never ends. This goes on for eternity. The Chinese have a symbol for it – it's called the Yuan.

Question: And interest on the debt? Eventually it will consume so much of our GDP that it will drag down the whole economy. Societies that pay 20% or more of GDP towards debt service, typically hit a wall and can no longer sustain paying the debt. This leads to an eventual decline. Does that concern you?

Answer: What a load of crap! It takes tax money to make money. We can raise taxes on the rich. We can print more money. We're not like the Hapsburgs, the French, the Spanish or the English. Ben Bernanke said everything is just fine – no need to worry. Just let the experts handle it like they handled it before…oh crap!

Question: Do you really believe that Government Health Care Reform will save money, offer better health care outcomes, and not lead to rationing?

Answer: Uh…

Question: Name one government program that ever saved us any money.

Answer: (Expletive deleted).

Question: Part of the saving to pay for Health Care Reform is supposed to come from money saved by preventing Medicare Fraud. If the government knew about the fraud, why didn't they just fix it?

Answer: You (expletive deleted). Why don't you kiss my (expletive deleted) you (expletive deleted). Why don't you ask your buddy Bush and Dick Cheney? Why don't you have a seance and ask Ronald Reagan. Why don't you shoot yourself in the head you (expletive deleted)?

Question: So, why not?

Answer: (Expletive deleted).

Question: So, do you see any irony that the groups that voted for Obama – minorities and the youth – are being hurt most by the Obama economy?

Answer: Why don't you ask Bush you racist (expletive deleted)? Why don't you ask King George I or his idiot son you (expletive deleted)? Why don't you go (expletive deleted) yourself? Stupid (expletive deleted).

Comment: This has been very informative.

Question: Anything further to add.

Answer: (Expletive deleted) off, (expletive deleted).

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